They say it gets easier with time...and that's the only thing I can do. Take things one day at a time. Sometimes the pain is so overwhelming I lie awake at night with tears flowing down my cheeks. You see, Maddy was my constant companion. When insomnia struck I would just make myself comfortable on the floor and we would just hang out until I fell asleep.
That's what I miss the most...her friendship and love. The night before her surgery we hung out all night on the couch and I told her how much I loved her and how strong she was. Love is a funny thing. It is the best feeling to have..but the most painful to lose someone you love so much.
The day after I lost her that's how I felt...lost. I asked God to give me a sign she was ok..and stepped outside for some air. There is was, a beautiful rainbow. Just to make sure it wasn't a mistake...there was another rainbow the next day too with no clouds in the sky.
I know she is where she belongs now...but I wish I had more time with her. Everything happened so fast. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye..I didn't know she was going to leave...I thought we were in the clear.
I'm blessed to have had another 8 wonderful months with her after her first surgery..I'm blessed to have had such a smart girl...I'm blessed that she made it to my wedding..
Wherever you are Maddy..I love you. I know you are healthy and happy and one day I hope to see you again. For now, I'm fine with seeing you in my dreams..
Its hard,isn't it? even today I still shed a tear for my first bun Caramel and the last one Thumper,but it does get easier with time and of course have Speedy is the best tonic,he doesn't replace those first two boys of mine but he does give that joy and love back.remember we love you always,xx Rachel Speedy and Nick
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