It has been exactly 1 month and 2 days since Maddy passed away. I would be lying if I said it has been easy on me...in fact it feels like an eternity. There hasn't been one day where I haven't shed tears thinking about her..missing her..or thinking of what I could have done differently.
They say it gets easier with time...and that's the only thing I can do. Take things one day at a time. Sometimes the pain is so overwhelming I lie awake at night with tears flowing down my cheeks. You see, Maddy was my constant companion. When insomnia struck I would just make myself comfortable on the floor and we would just hang out until I fell asleep.
That's what I miss the most...her friendship and love. The night before her surgery we hung out all night on the couch and I told her how much I loved her and how strong she was. Love is a funny thing. It is the best feeling to have..but the most painful to lose someone you love so much.
The day after I lost her that's how I felt...lost. I asked God to give me a sign she was ok..and stepped outside for some air. There is was, a beautiful rainbow. Just to make sure it wasn't a mistake...there was another rainbow the next day too with no clouds in the sky.
I know she is where she belongs now...but I wish I had more time with her. Everything happened so fast. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye..I didn't know she was going to leave...I thought we were in the clear.
I'm blessed to have had another 8 wonderful months with her after her first surgery..I'm blessed to have had such a smart girl...I'm blessed that she made it to my wedding..
Wherever you are Maddy..I love you. I know you are healthy and happy and one day I hope to see you again. For now, I'm fine with seeing you in my dreams..